Day Five, Mykonos

I hop out of bed around 9:00 thanks in part to the cows mooing outside the window but also because I magically transformed into a morning person while in Greece. I go to open the shutters to check the weather, momentarily forgetting there's no need to do this... every day is sunny (NO clouds at all), windy, and about 80 degrees. Breakfast is served until 10:30 so we're happy we've woken up so early. The breakfast is AMAZING. It's a big buffet and there are also tons of delicious pastries as there's a pastry chef on site. I pile my plate high with fried eggs, homefries, bacon, fruit, and lots of the delicious pastries. This breakfast is so satisfying and just another reason I never want to leave this hotel.

We walk across the street and see the beach for the first time. There's hardly anyone out there as it's still pretty early and I think everyone was still hurting from the night before. We lay out for awhile and then walk back toward the pool. On our way we run into Kelly's friend from the night before... front desk guy! She tries to avoid eye contact but he comes straight for her and chats her up. I'm loving it but she's clearly not as amused.

Up until now we've pretty much been killing time until our optional for the day... Paradise Beach! I'd been anticipating this day ever since I saw videos of this place on You Tube. It looked crazy in the videos I'd seen so I was hoping it would live up to my expectations. It's a beautiful beach and there's a huge bar and a bunch of tables on the beach. I spot a huge table with no chairs at it right next to the bar and I already know this serves as a dance platform. I notice a lot of extremely beautiful men walking around but I figure they're either gay or skeevy Italians or Greeks. We get a table and order bottle service (yeah, we're fancy!) for 70 euros. This sounds exorbitant but split between Kelly and me it's only 35 euro each for a bottle of Absolut and as many mixers as we want (we went with tonic and cranberry juice). I ordered a hamburger but it's more like a veggie burger so I only have a few bites. Drinking vodka on an empty stomach is a great plan. I see Dave filling a water gun with vodka at Teneal's table and I already know what's coming. I run over to the table just as he's squirting vodka in Teneal's mouth and of course I'm next in line.

Dave points out a creepy looking guy parading around in boxer shorts and tells us to keep an eye on him. Soon this guy is up on one of the platforms with the emcee (Greek Howard Stern). He removes his boxers and reveals a thong decorated as an elephant on the front side (you can guess what was in the trunk). Turns out Elephant Man is a famous Italian porn star who is paid to come to Paradise Beach every summer and show off his trunk. We all get a good laugh just staring at him for awhile and trying to figure out if he's filling up the entire trunk of the elephant. This sets the tone for the rest of the day and from then on it's complete craziness. Our drinks get stronger and stronger and soon we're drinking straight from the vodka bottle. Our entire group gets up on the table by the bar and we go nuts dancing and pouring vodka down each other's throats. At one point Kelly and I go to the bathroom and I'm so drunk that I pee all over my feet, soaking my flip flops. When we get back to the group I nonchalantly toss my urine-soaked shoes under one of the tables.

As the sun starts to go down a bunch of us run down to the ocean. We play around in the water just acting stupid, no one noticing at the time we were being swarmed by jellyfish. When we get out of the water most of the girls have huge welts all over their bodies (for some reason I was spared, maybe it was because I was covered in my own pee). Dave pulls some of the victims off to the bar to put vinegar on the stings (most of us offered to pee on them to ease the pain) and then it's back to party time. By this point we've lost all inhibitions and we're dancing on the tables in nothing but our bikinis. We realize our time here is almost done and our vodka is now gone so Kelly and I hatch a brilliant plan. We decide to get the strongest drink they make at the bar, a Devil's Tongue (it has something ridiculous like 20 liquors in it and it's bright green). A while later I look around and see that most of our tour is missing. Teneal and I have a moment of panic and think we've been left here (which wouldn't be such a bad thing). To make matters worse I can't find my flip flops, but I'm also not shocked I've lost a pair of shoes while drinking. We see Scotty coming out of the bathroom and I mention my lost shoes... next thing I know he pulls them out of the front of his bathing suit (!?!?). Score! We stumble off toward the bus and are pleasantly surprised to see it's still there. On the ride back we're mixed in with another Contiki group. I hear the girl sitting across the aisle from us going off about how she hates Americans. I listen for a few minutes before informing her that Kelly and I are Americans (I just love making stupid people feel like assholes). She tries to cover her ass but doesn't do a very good job. Thankfully no one from the other Contiki was on our tour because it was full of douches.

When we get back to the hotel, somehow a number of us are still capable of drinking so we head straight for the bar. The hotel had nightly entertainment, presumably for the sober guests, and tonight was a couple doing traditional Greek dancing. This took place right in the bar area so of course we all joined in. I remember thinking to myself I could easily pick up on their moves but instead I just fell all over myself. Later in the night Staker had the brilliant idea of getting Jake's video camera from their room, so I spent the rest of the night videotaping everyone and of course providing quality narration (how I wish I had watched the video when I was sober!). Of all the nights on the trip this one is actually the only one I can only remember bits and pieces of... possibly because I was so drunk but also since it was so early in the trip (plus Kelly went back to the room early and she and I used to recap the previous night the next morning... so now I'm working on my memory only and don't have Kelly to help me out). I do remember going back to the room at the end of the night completely smashed, stripping out of my bathing suit I'd been wearing all day and waking up Kelly to warn her not to look because I was butt naked. I think it's safe to say I had a good day.